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Showing posts with label Tennis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tennis. Show all posts
Kuznetsova v Graf
// By Jonathan

Each time I serve up this point of view, I am immediately called for faulting. I will not be deterred though. I am absolutely convinced that Russian tennis player Svetlana Kuznetsova is the exact double of former Grand Slam supremo Steffi Graf. I mean just look at them. Why is it that no one can see what I can? How is it possible?

So here is what I plan to do. Get them to play each other. Live on TV. There won't be the usual names and scores in the top left hand corner of the screen though. You'll have to guess who is who. Then you'll see. You'll all see. You'll. See. That. I. Am. Right.
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Taming The Pittbull
// By Jonathan


There was once a man who looked very sad. 
That man was Jonathan Pitt and he had just been humiliated on both tennis and squash courts. 
By me. 
For the first time. Ever. 

You will only be more impressed when I tell you that Mr. Pitt is a former Kent County tennis star, a former South-East England squash legend and a relative of Mr. Brad Pitt - who, rumour has it, is also very good with a racket in hand. And what am I? Well, I'll tell you what I am not. I am not a relative of Brad Pitt. I'm not even on texting terms with Brad Pitt. The odds have always been against me. 

Yesterday though. Yesterday, I came through. I came through because I knew I had to. I came though because my new tennis racket was bloody expensive and I wanted value for money. I came through because I was more accomplished in the windy conditions. I came through because I hit the squash ball at funny angles. But most importantly, I came through because of you. Do you know what I was thinking of when it was match-point in the tennis? You. And in the squash? Yes you. 

In the words of S Club 7, "You are all I need to get me through (get me through now baby). Ooooh."

I thank you.
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