© Jonathan Lee 2009 - 2014. Powered by Blogger.

I'll be honest with you. I'm a bit nervous. No, I'll rephrase that. I'm terrified.

Tomorrow night my livelihood is at stake. On Thursday August 27th 2009, at about 11.10pm, I will find out whether I have a future or not. Whether I can walk up the road with my head held high or whether I will need to buy some giant sunglasses and start wearing my baseball cap in the way it was originally intended.

The worst thing about this event, is that my fate is not in my hands. It has been firmly placed in the hands of 5Live presenter Richard Bacon. It's not a place I am comfortable being. And sadly, a stage, in front of an expectant audience, is not a place I am comfortable with Richard Bacon being either. Let me explain, without any consultation with me at all, my most successful spoofee ever, has decided to perform stand-up comedy. That's right. Stand-up comedy! At the Edinburgh Fringe. What utter, utter madness.

I wouldn't mind if I wasn't so reliant on him being brilliant day-in, day-out. But I am. In the last couple of weeks, for example, I've suffered the repercussions of his radio interview with the Duchess of York. Emails such as, "...this buffoon should not be allowed to broadcast on hospital radio, he is the pits..." have arrived in their half-dozen. Yes, when someone decides they don't like Richard Bacon's work, they send ME emails. ME! I cop the abuse too! The fact that the interview wasn't anything to do with me, makes no difference to some people. Because I think Richard Bacon is a talented broadcaster - and find him ridiculously easy to parody - people feel compelled to abuse me if they disagree. This is of course due to that bizarre human trait some people have - the need to voice their disgust at something they do not agree with/like/understand. (Something that could easily form a post of it's own. And one I may tackle in due course).

But back to the point. As I say, I think Richard Bacon is a talented broadcaster. What I doubt he is, is a talented stand-up. I base this purely on hunch of course, and I hope he proves me wrong. But I am bracing my email inbox for one almighty backlash. I think he's amusing in a drunk uncle kind of way you see, but rarely does the drunk uncle way lend itself successfully to the world of stand-up. If he does pull it off though, well, then my career will go from strength to strength. I could find myself parodying a B-lister instead of the C-lister Richard surely considers himself now.

But what if he fails? What if he's heckled? What if he falls on his sword? That will be the end of me. My reputation will be shot to pieces. Who wants to know someone who parodies wannabes? The abuse will come in droves. But this time it won't just be abuse because I am associated with the failures of Richard, it'll be abuse because I parody a male Kerry Katona. I'll start getting more Dickensian prose like this, "...you sad, pathetic ****. bacon is a smug, talentless **** and you waste time in your life doing this ******* tripe. you **** ******* *******". My fragile heart can't handle that again. It'll break me.

So, for the love of Bacon, please don't cock it up Richard. If you don't get out alive, neither do I.

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  1. Excellent post Jon. Your blog is like many, many buses.

  2. Thanks. Though I think we can all agree that my August busses haven't quite reached the brilliance of July's. A bit too bendy for my liking.

  3. Plural of bus? Buses or busses?

  4. Jon, you might or might not be pleased to hear that today when 5live played a trail for RB's show this evening my father said 'Richard Bacon? is he still around?'. So there are places his career can go even if the stand up fails. Bear in mind that my father spend most of his time listening to Radio 3 so Richard would probably need to move to presenting the Proms to escpae the ignomy of a stand-up failure.

  5. I like buses better. I shall carry on using it.

  6. @Simon: This is a great shame. Your father has long been my target audience. The idea of Richard presenting the Proms has just sent shivers down my spine though.

    @Sarah: Interestingly I had never used busses before. I don't know why I did today. I will revert to buses soonest.

  7. Richard Bacons Trumpet27 August 2009 at 10:32

    I bet Bacon is good on a trumpet.

  8. As Richard Bacon's Trumpet surely you would know whether this is the case or not? I suspect you are correct though. I'll buff it up for him.

  9. Heard about this on the radio last night. Very good, well done.

  10. Can you give me rachel hodges phone number?

  11. Get buying those sunglasses mate, that was a fecking disaster!!!

  12. that was brill jon, really entertaining, when's the review coming? x

  13. @Anon: Thanks.
    @ZZZ: I don't know anyone called Rachel Hodges, sorry.
    @Anon: The performance wasn't great, everything else was brilliant. I will wear an eye patch.
    @Amnix: Thanks. The review came about ten minutes ago.