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Today's rather bizarre email comes from timerepentance@yahoo.com. Such a good email address that it managed to get passed my spam filter and into my inbox. I actually have no idea what to make of it. Usually I am asked for bank details and addresses and my date of birth. This asks for none of that though. They even spelt my name correctly. So is this Julia John on a revenge mission or is it actually genuine?

What should I do? What should I say? What will they say, Monday at school? (Sorry. I had an urge to quote John Travolta there. I am not really going to school on Monday. If I did I would probably get arrested).

Dear Jonathan,


I would like to ask for the above mentioned subject. I am Pastor Albert Mpende Founder of Time Of Repenting and Deliverance Ministry (TIRDEM).

On 24th Night of August, 2009 I had dreams where I head a voice from some-one who mentioned about your name and what you are doing on earth.

The 25th day of August, 2009 I logged in on the website where I got your name and what you are doing. I have learnt everything on what you are doing, that’s why I am interested to work with you.

Briefly time of repenting is a local faith based registered non-governmental organization operating in Malawi especially in the following areas:

Encourage Christians to trust in God

Assist People to repent and be delivered.

Take care of orphaned children

Assist vulnerable (especially widows, aged) and counsel for HIV AIDS affected and infected people.

I would like to therefore ask you in the name of Jesus if you can accept to work with us and support us in either ways.

There is a lot that we can share with you that is happening in Malawi and we can also send you a DVD of some of the achievements that we have managed.

I am wishing you a long life and blessed days.

Yours faithfully,

Pastor Albert Mpende.

About the Author

Ali Bajwa
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  1. Oh Jon, you're so worthy!

  2. Jonathan, if you go to school on Monday you are unlikely to be arrested. You may, however, be very lonely.

    Pastor Mpende's email seems genuine and nice. I think that you should accept to work with them. I feel that your prior work experience and your innovative use of social media applications make you ideally suited to assist people to repent and be delivered in Malawi.

    A move to Malawi would not be a huge cultural shock to you. It was a British colony from 1891 to 1964 and their system of government, under the leadership of President Bingu wa Mutharika, is based on the British model and although cricket is not one of their sports, they do play football.

    I have also learned that one of their main agricultural products is tea. So if you become really successful in their stated aim of "getting Christians to believe in God" (which sounds like a bit of an easy win), who knows, you could be able to accomplish your long held dream of owning your own tea plantation.

    I wish you luck with your new life in Malawi, Jon. Pastor Mpende obviously has a computer so you should be able to update your blog regularly and occasionally mock Americans on Twitter. I'm sure that you will enjoy the temperate climate and the statistically low incidence of bicycle theft - lower indeed than your chances of being killed and eaten by a crocodile.

    Don't forget to send a postcard.

  3. @Sandy: Thanks. X

    @Marc: Good point. It's a bank holiday isn't it? Thank you very much for your encouragement and indeed your research into Malawi. I admit to not knowing a great deal about the country. I need 24 hours to think about it really. If I require inoculations I probably won't go.

  4. Jon, Pastor Albert is clearly a man of more integrity than Paul Crudden, would he pass on your expenses to the vulerable (especially widows, aged) that he works with? I don't think so. If you still have doubts ask for a DVD as a preview of your new life, I bet it is more than you'd get from Club 18-30.

  5. This is true Simon and I do not like to doubt Pastor Albert until I have reason to. In these times though, I feel nervous about giving my address to anyone. Whether they are offering a DVD or not. And Club 18-30 - overrated.

  6. Jon, your 24 hours are up. Are you going to Malawi?

  7. Jonathan, I'm glad that you've decided to accept the missionary position. Good luck.

  8. @Marc Roflcopters.